Thursday, December 2, 2010

Thank You Notes

A little over a week ago, I actually went on a pretty fantastic date.  Remember, "Let's definitely do this again soon" and a friend request?  Have I heard from him?  Um...not exactly.

Any creature with the slightest amount of estrogen (for me personally, I'm overloaded with estrogen, mood-swinging emotions this week) will analyze the question "why didn't he call" until…well, until the next guy doesn't call.

Many moons and a couple jobs ago, I used to haul up in a shielded corner of "Barnes and Noble" during my lunch hour and read "Why He Didn't Call You Back" by dating coach, Rachel Greenberg.  Please, this wasn't nearly as depressing as it sounds.  There was no weeping, chocolate or sweatshirts with cats on them.  I sought this book out for two reasons 1.  My job at the time was making me homicidal, so why not exacerbate that feeling and read about why men haven't called me back 2. Greenberg was featured in an article of one of the 20 or so fashion magazines I read and, mind you, never get a subscription for.

In her book, Greenberg conducts what she calls "Exit Interviews" of more than a 1,000 males after their first date.  If you do a simple search of this author or "Why He Didn't Call You Back," time and again you will find these Top 3 reasons why he didn't call or what will make him NEVER call you back.

Pay close attention to number three:

Reason #1: The Boss Lady
His perception:
He’d rather hire you than date you. He perceives you as argumentative, controlling, overly independent, and not feminine or warm. While you think he’s intimidated by your success, he’s thinks you have a prickly attitude and imagines that snuggling with you is like hugging a porcupine in a pin-striped business suit!

Your reality: You’re confident, forthright and successful, but he can’t yet see those great qualities behind your tough demeanor. Try showing your warm, sensitive side first by talking about your adorable nephew or your volunteer work at the animal rescue shelter. And definitely change clothes after work into a flirty skirt instead of staying in that power business suit.

Reason #2: The Park Avenue Princess
His perception: You’re looking for a “Perfect 10”: the guy’s who’s a 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank. He thinks you’re high maintenance, superficial, or a gold-digger.

Your reality:You can take care of yourself. You enjoy spending what you make. Maybe you’re interested in a nice lifestyle, though it’s not your only priority. But he’s jaded by all the gold-diggers he dated before you (you’re guilty until proven innocent). So instead of asking him “What’s your favorite hotel in St. Bart’s?” you should ask “What’s your favorite little neighborhood café?” When the waiter inquires whether you’d like tap or bottled, don’t order the Evian; one glass of city water (almost) never killed anyone! {Tip: squeeze a little lemon in your glass…}

Reason #3: The Sadie Hawkins
His perception: You’re pursuing him. You sent him a thank-you email after your date, and immediately he knew you liked him. He may even think you’re a little desperate. Deep down, he feels deflated because when he likes a woman, he’d rather do the chasing.

Your reality: That thank-you email was a show of good manners, not a subtle hint for him to ask you out again. At work you’re rewarded for taking initiative, but with guys you have to let them reach out first. Don’t say, “Let’s do this again sometime”—that’s his line. This is one time in your empowered, take-charge life when you have to sit back and wait after a first date—do absolutely nothing to follow-up (don’t even check to see if he’s logged into his online dating profile). He’s a big boy and knows how to contact you if he’s interested.

Recall, I mentioned last Monday's date friended me on Facebook which, per the advice of my blunt, loose-lipped, male friend, Tim, is a "total bon*r move."  Of course I sweated it out, didn't accept his request until after the noon hour and deliberated heavily over my next move over lunch with Meg.

I followed the request with a THANK YOU.  Most men reading this are probably doing the exact same thing I did when I read the above reference to "Sadie Hawkins"; slapping their foreheads with their hands or yelling "c'mon!"  Another article with related content even said a gesture of this sort showed desperation on the girl's part.  Whoops, probably true!

Oh, did I mention I may or may not have texted him on Monday? He did text me back, but the last response didn't warrant further conversation.  Chant with me now (BVB insert slow clap), fail, faiL, faIL, FAIL, FAIL, FAIL!!!!!!

No Strawberry Fields forever.

Tonight is a late date with "I can't get off my mom's teet", 28, Rochester Hills. Text from him at 1:21 p.m. "I'm excited to meet you tonight:)"  Ugh, now I know how the Ginger Kid felt when he read my "thank you" note.  Tomorrow is coffee (gut rot) with a professor, 31, Royal Oak and Saturday's dinner with the Italian, 38, Plymouth, which will round out vintage week.  DISCLAIMER: 28 and 31 are exclusive of vintage week.



  1. I hope the professor is wearing a corduroy blazer with elbow pads. and has the lover's mentality of a one mr. scottie V_ _ E_ _ S. generous.

  2. I am sad to hear this! I sent you down the wrong path...don't listen to 32 year olds anymore. New rule.